What Is And What Should Never Be
by iEvenstarEstel
Summary: Set in the Triptychverse. Connor, Abby, Eye Patch and their daughter were supposed to have a lovely Christmas together, but the ghosts of the past come back to haunt them.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: What Is And What Should Never Be (aka It's A Wonderful Triptychverse Life)  
**Author**: Evenstar Estel  
**Rating**: T  
**Characters**/**Pairing**: Connor/Abby/Eye!Patch!Connor  
**Spoilers**: Series 3, AU  
**Genre**: Angst, Romance  
**Author's Note**: Yes, I totally stole the title from Led Zeppelin.  
**Summary**: Set in the Triptychverse. Connor, Abby, Eye Patch and their daughter were supposed to have a lovely Christmas together, but the ghosts of the past come back to haunt them.

This tale is set after Iellix's "Poker Faces" in which the trio's daughter Amelia was introduced. The Masterlist for this universe can be found in my profile.

What Is And What Should Never Be  
(aka It's A Wonderful Triptychverse Life)  
2010 Evenstar Estel

Chapter 1

Unsurprisingly, his daughter hated Father Christmas. Like most children her age she was terrified of the fat man in red. When Connor placed Leia in the big man's lap for her annual photograph that late afternoon at the shopping centre, she erupted in screams and sobs and begged for her _Papa_ to take her away from him. Connor wasn't about to subject his baby to the torture just because Abby insisted on a picture. He muttered an angry _"Fuck this!"_ under his breath and scooped the four year old up into his arms and spirited away with her. She clung to him wailing and sobbing, screaming for her _Mummy _as he stormed through the thick crowds of Christmas shoppers with her in his arms. Littered with scars on his face and hands as well as dressed from head to toe in black leather, including the trademark patch to cover his scarred blind eye, he looked to the outside world like some sort of monster abducting a little girl. He was only trying to find Abby and the other Connor to help him calm Leia down when he suddenly found himself surrounded by security guards. Little old ladies were hurling accusations at him while four burly men in uniform backed him into a corner, demanding he hand the child over to them. He'd been in worse situations before and fought his way out, but he hadn't had his daughter with him. He wasn't about to incite violence with her in his arms. He also wasn't about to let them touch her.

"Back off, she's my daughter and you're scaring her!" Connor seethed, tightening his grip around Leia.

"Listen mate, you don't want to cause a scene," said one of the security guards, trying to put on a placating tone but it was clearly laced with menace. "Just hand her over so we can take her back to her mum and dad."

"No, listen yourself, you idiot. She's my child and if you lay so much as finger on her I'll break your skull open. She's just upset and you're making it worse." Connor covered Leia's head with his hand and whispered in her ear to try and get her to stop crying. Where the hell was Abby? If he hadn't insisted on being the one to take care of Leia and let the more 'appropriate looking' father of their daughter take her to see Father Christmas this wouldn't be happening. Problem was Eye Patch hated crowds and generally hated Christmas outside their own home. Being dragged about by Abby as she shopped for last minute gifts on Christmas Eve would've been one of his nightmares come true. He'd much rather be with their daughter, so he sent the other two off.

There was a crowd now, filled with angry fathers ready to beat the living daylights out of him for trying to kidnap a child. Leia saw one of the security guards try to grab for her to take her away from her Papa and she let out a shrill scream that could've shattered glass. She tried to hide herself against Eye Patch and sent her cries for her mummy out tenfold. Another man came for her and Connor twisted his body and Leia away from him and send out a hard sharp side kick into the man's knee. He heard the joint pop and cringed, immediately regretting his reflexes. This was the last thing he wanted. This wasn't going to end well. He had to give himself up or Leia was going to get hurt. He just hoped she wasn't going to be too traumatized by being taken away from him by strangers.

"Leia! Leia!" came Abby's shouts above the crowd. _Oh thank heavens!_ Fierce as ever, Abby was shoving people aside as she fought her way towards them.

"Mummy!" Leia cried as she launched herself into her mother's arms. Abby caught her up and hugged her tight, trying to shush her and stop her crying. She had no idea what had got their daughter so worked up, but she was sure it something to do with four thugs trying to take her away from her Papa. The security guards took hold of Eye Patch none to gently and started to drag him away.

"Oi! Let him go!" shouted Connor as he arrived on the scene. Immediately he was in the thick of it, trying to pry their meaty paws off his husband.

"Steady on, mate, we were just taking him into custody for trying to run off with your little girl!" countered one of the guards.

"_He's_ her father!" The men gave Eye Patch scathing looks, but released him. Connor immediate started to berate them along with Abby for upsetting their daughter and accosting Eye Patch. He listened for a brief second, but since the attention was temporarily off him he saw his opportunity to escape. Leia was safe, that's all that mattered. He caught his daughter's eye for a fleeting second. She'd stopped her crying and was watching him. It was too much, it was all too much. He felt the walls closing in and he had to get out of there before he lost it. He turned away. He heard her cry _"Papa!" _ at his back as he made a hasty retreat. He exited the shopping centre and flinched at the biting cold of winter. England hadn't seen temperatures like this is years. He immediately regretted not following Connor's advice and wearing one of the heavier coats he'd offered when they'd left the flat. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket and marched off away from the parking lot and behind the massive building. He kept to the shadows until he emerged on to the street and he kept on walking into the night. After several minutes he managed to reign in his fractured emotions. He knew he'd behaved foolishly back there. He knew there were better ways for handling situations like that. Despite having been on this side of the anomaly for over half a dozen years, he still lived by the instincts that had been driven hard into from years of just struggling to survive another day. He was over forty years old now but suddenly he felt so far beyond that. He caught a glimpse of himself in a window and grimaced. No wonder people thought he was a monster. He hadn't shaved in a week, his face was as scarred as ever and he was dressed all in black. He recalled couple of hours earlier when it was still light out and Abby had been trying to persuade him to come out with her and Connor to the shopping centre. She smiled and kissed him and used all her feminine wiles to convince him that a family outing would be fun. She'd called him handsome and sexy and had promised him a few favours in bed that night if he came along. Connor had kissed him too when he'd finally agreed. _They_ didn't seem to see what he did every time he looked in the mirror. They loved him and he still felt, even after all this time, that he didn't quite deserve it.

There was also Leia to consider. Ever since he'd learned he was going to be a father he'd done his best to keep himself in check and be the sort of man who deserved to have a child in his life. He'd been the one to push for them to have a baby in the first place. Amelia was the most perfect thing in all creation as far as he was concerned. All he wanted to do was make her feel safe, loved and happy and today he'd failed her. His best never would be good enough, especially not for someone so precious and innocent. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve anyone. He tore himself away and searched for the nearest pub. He needed a good stiff drink.

*!*!*

"I don't think he's coming back, Abbs," said Connor quietly. "Not to here at least, maybe we'll find him at home." Abby sat next to him on the bench with their daughter on her lap, cuddled close against her chest. Their little girl had calmed down but she was still sniffling and asking for her _Papa._ The security guard that Eye Patch had injured had to be taken away on a stretcher and had probably torn the ligaments in his knee. He wasn't going to have a good Christmas, that was for sure. Abby really hoped they weren't going to get a visit from the police. If they did, they'd just abuse the power the government gave them and get their husband off. It was crude and underhanded, but under the circumstances neither Abby nor Connor cared. Their Connor was good man and good father and he'd only been protecting Leia. They were both certain the security guards made all sorts of assumptions about who their husband was. Leia obviously compounded matters by having her fit. Despite her above average intelligence in certain areas, she was still just a child. They'd managed to get out of her what had got her so upset in the first place. Apparently Father Christmas smelled poorly and had _mean eyes_. Whatever _mean eyes_ meant, Abby had no clue, but it was enough that Leia didn't like him.

"It's past her dinner time," sighed Abby. "Try his phone again." Connor nodded and hit send on his phone. After several rings he got the voice mail again. He hung up and sent him another text. _We're heading home. Pls be there. Luv u._

"Come on, love. We'll get her fed then I'll trace him on the laptop."

Abby nodded and stood up.

"No!" exclaimed Leia suddenly. "We hafta wait for Papa!"

"It's okay, baby, we'll see him at home, okay?" Abby tried to soothe. Leia was having none of it.

"I want Papa to come back!" Abby almost dissolved into tears at the plaintive tone in her daughter's voice.

"Here, lovey, let Daddy carry you," said Connor as he stood up an took her from Abby. Leia burbled and wept against his chest as she continued to ask for her other father. Abby was trying to be understanding, but if this carried on much longer, the older Connor was going to get a mighty earful from her when he got home for having upset Leia so much. She knew he was a deeply sensitive man underneath his gruff exterior. He felt every emotion stronger than most people, that was equal for both the lows as well as the highs. Sometimes he was obstinate and put up walls. She could usually always get through to him in the end, but with him having taken off and refusing to communicate there wasn't much hope for that. They made their way home in silence, except for Leia sniffling and whinging that she wanted her Papa. Abby and Connor exchanged worried looks. This wasn't how Christmas was supposed to be.

tbc...


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Connor emerged from the pub with a fresh bruise on his cheek. He had let his guard down and got it on his left side where his eye was blind. He'd set the wanker to right and knocked him out cold. He hadn't meant to get into a fight, but sometimes stupid bikers couldn't help but try and assert their dominance over any man who looked like they posed a threat. He'd been sitting at the bar nursing a third brandy when the biker's girlfriend had saddled up beside him. He barely gave her a first glance and she'd got too forward and touched his arm. He'd said _"Piss off! I'm married!"_ and she left him alone. She'd probably made up some story to her boyfriend because next thing he knew he was getting punched in the face. After he'd taken care of the goon and two of his friends, Eye Patch had decided to move on. He found himself walking across a bridge over the Thames when he felt his phone vibrating for ten thousandth time. He'd been ignoring it all night, but this time looked at the text. All the others were from Connor but this one was from Abby.

_Please come home. I'm scared_.

He felt his heart constrict. There was nothing more he wanted to do more than rush home to his family, but he was on edge and a little drunk so he kept on walking as he read all the texts from Connor.

_Where did u go?_

I'm lost, Connor. In more ways than one.

_Still shopping centre. We'll wait for u. _

Why? I only cause you heartache.

_We're heading home. Pls be there. Luv u. _

I love you too. I wish I could come home.

_Leia wants u. What should I tell her? _

Tell her Papa's sorry.

_She's having dinner. Still wants her Papa. _

I want her too. I want all three of you.

_Why r u ignoring me? _

Because you're better off without me.

_Call me, I'll come get u. _

I just _can't. _If I disappeared, you'd never find me.

_Pls come home. Luv u._

Love you too, Conn.

Another text came in from Abby.

_Your daughter's crying. What's wrong with you! Come home now! _

I don't know what wrong with me Abby. I've tried so hard to be good enough, but I never can be. Leia has Connor, she doesn't need me.

Clearly Abby was angry with him. She had every right to be. He stopped walking half way across the bridge. It was going to snow soon. He couldn't see the stars above him. The fog had come in and surrounded him as it rose up from the river to meet the low lying clouds. He shivered. He did want to go home. He looked around and realized he had no bloody clue as to where he was. He'd have to get Connor to track his phone in order to come and get him. He tried to text a reply, but his hands were numb and the phone slipped from his grasp and hit the railing before falling over the edge and down to the fathoms below.

"Shit!" he cursed. There was nothing but black below him. The only thing to do was to keep walking and find the nearest place with a phone. Or he could put himself and everyone else out of this misery and jump over the rails into the depths of the river below. He stuffed his freezing cold hands back into his jacket pockets. Leather was definitely not the optimum for this kind of weather. It was good in a knife fight or an animal attack. He wore it because as far as he knew every moment was potential disaster, every person was a potential adversary. He'd been in this world approximately seven years and he still couldn't slough off his old life. He stomped his feet and walked faster. How fucking long was this goddamn bridge? Ahead of him was nothing but whiteness. The wind had picked up and the snow had started coming down. This reminded him of the time he'd been trapped in Earth's frozen past and almost made into supper for a Yeti. The bridge was slippery, but he didn't dare hold on to the metal rail without gloves, which of course he didn't have with him. He stumbled and slipped more than once. His knee had been giving him trouble for a while now and he really felt it tonight. The icy wind bit at his face. It almost hurt to breathe. Ahead of him he heard the crunching of feet on the snow. He took his hands out of his pockets and stood his ground.

He relaxed slightly when he discerned that the figure was small. He saw wisps of long blond hair flying around her head. The lamps above gave just enough light. When she was ten feet away she looked up and his heart stopped. "Abby!" he cried, closing the gap between them "Bloody hell, woman, what on Earth are you doing out in this?"

She looked up at him and smiled. "Looking for you," she replied. He studied her and frowned. Her hair was shorter than it had been just a few hours earlier. He recognized the leather jacket she was wearing as one of his old ones, but he'd never seen her wearing it before. His eyes fell on the golden ring that hung from the leather cord around her neck. His Connor wore one just like it. He used to have one himself, but he'd given it to... "Abby?"

"Hey babe, long time no see."

He felt his stomach drop and felt the bile rising in his throat. This couldn't be. "You... you died."

"More than ten years gone now, yes."

"Am I dead? Did something happen to me?"

"No, you're fine, but if you don't get out of the cold soon you might not make it."

"I don't understand what's happening. Are you an angel? I'm I hallucinating?"

"Maybe somewhere in between. It's good to see you Connor. I like the eye patch." Tentatively he raised his cold hand to touch her face. The moment he did he felt the warmth return to his fingers. He brought his other hand up and cupped her face. He leaned in closer, he couldn't help himself. The first touch of his lips on hers was like coming home. Suddenly it was more than a decade previous, before the world went to hell and they were still just Connor and Abby, full of hope and idealism, just starting to fall in love. He broke and sobbed into her mouth. What the hell was happening? He poured ten years of grief into kissing her. He felt pangs of worry for the strange situation he was in, but it was overridden by the soft warmth of Abby's kiss. There were tears falling from his eyes when they parted. She smiled up at him.

"I... do you know what's happened to me since... since you were killed? Do you know about Connor and Abby? The ones from this world?"

"I do. Why don't we take a walk? I have some things to show you." She hooked her arm through his and continued to lead him the length of the bridge. The snow seemed to lighten and then stop altogether. The fog lifted and to Connor's shock he found they were in a forest. There was something wrong with the trees. He'd never seen their like.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"The operative question would be, when are we?"

"What do you mean?"

"This is the Cretaceous Era. See, the thing of it is, time is always in flux isn't it? You taught me that. Change one thing and the timeline diverges into a completely different one, erasing all the events that would have been. If you'd stayed in our world and put that gun to your head _this_ is what would have happened to your Connor and Abby. Come on, it's this way." Abby guided him to a frozen river, then up an embankment to the mouth of a cave where a faint orange glow stood out starkly against the blacks and blues of the snow covered nighttime landscape. What Connor found inside the cave broke his heart in two. Connor and Abby were huddled together on a pile of grass mats. They looked haggard and filthy. They were both underweight with gaunt faces and dark circles under their eyes. There was food stored to one side of the cave, mostly dried berries, nuts and something that could be discerned as possibly dried fish. It all looked fairly revolting. He watched in dismay as Abby wept silently and Connor whispered assurances in her ear.

"What happened?"

"Helen Cutter for the most part. She wanted to destroy mankind by wiping out the first hominids, stopping us in our evolutionary tracks. Abby, Connor and Danny followed her through a series of anomalies before Connor and Abby were trapped with no way home. Yours and Eva's coming prevented Helen from getting inside the ARC and stealing the artifact and initiating the series of events that lead them here."

"They die out here?"

"No, they find an anomaly home, but not until a year after they first arrived. It brings them closer, but the scars both physical and psychological damage them for years to come. There's more. Danny followed Helen to the Pliocene Era and she's killed by a raptor that followed them from here. The anomaly closes before Danny can make it back. He's stranded in the past even longer than they are. Sarah dies in an attempt to rescue everyone. It all but destroys Becker. Lester's stripped of his position. Philip Burton takes over the ARC and eventually he accidentally engineers the Future Predators. It takes different route but in the end, their world ends up just like ours did."

"What happens to them?"

"Connor does something stupidly heroic and Abby watches him get torn to shreds by a Future Predator. When its her turn, she doesn't even run. She couldn't bear to live without him, so she lets herself get killed."

"What... what about my daughter?"

"She's never born. You know how it works - right people at the right time. Without you in their lives, her conception never takes place."

It tore him apart seeing his two loves suffering right before his eyes, but the idea of a world in which Leia didn't exist was worse and made him physically ache.

"Why are you showing me all this? What are you trying to tell me?"

"Connor, I've said it before and I'll say it again, for a genius you sure can be thick sometimes. Come on." She tugged at his arm and his eyes lingered on Connor and Abby shivering and weeping alone together. They made their way back into the forest and the fog closed in on them once more. They were back on the bridge. He could hear the lapping of the river against the steel beams that held up the expanse. He didn't think it was the Thames below. Knowing his luck it was probably the Styx. He wanted to speak and ask Abby questions, but his words caught in his throat so he remained silent. Just like before the scenery changed. He knew this world, knew it al too well. The people were gone, long gone. There were only those _things_. It was night and he could pass right next to a Future Predator and they knew nothing of him.

"They can't sense us?" he asked.

"No," replied Abby simply. "It's this way."

"What is?"

"What will happen if you don't make it home tonight."

tbc...

Reviews would be wonderful and much appreciated :)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Abby opened a door and led them down a staircase into a dark corridor. There were Future Predators above them, scuttling along the ceiling. Connor quaked and pulled Abby close. He hated reliving this nightmare. He hated seeing those fucking monsters again. He heard a sound that was distinctly human. It was half way between a grunt and a sob. He turned the corner with Abby to see a pair of booted feet being dragged into a room. He rushed ahead in time to pass through the heavy metal door just as it was being closed. The room was dim, illuminated by a single flash light. He'd seen this room before, more than a decade ago. It was an operations room in his old ARC. There were consoles and computer screens, but they were all dead now. He recognized Leia. There was no mistaking her. She was beautiful! She was just like Abby save the long dark hair that almost reached her waist. She couldn't have been more than seventeen. He was completely enraptured. His little girl was grown. The precious moment shifted quickly enough as soon as he saw what she was doing. She was dragging the dead body of her mother across the floor. Connor gulped and swallowed down the vomit that rose up in his throat. He looked for the other Abby and found her a few feet away, watching.

"You never came home that Christmas Eve. They never found you. You went into the river by accident," Abby explained. "Leia was devastated most of all. Connor and Abby tried to do their best to stay together, to stay strong for her, but it was impossible. They separated and shared custody. She went back and forth between them for years. They never had relationships with anyone else, but it hurt too much to be together. She was smart, your girl, smarter than even Connor. She wanted her Papa back. She blamed herself for your disappearance even though she was only four years old. She thought about you every day. Getting you back became her obsession. She found a way to open up the anomalies again. She thought she could come back and get you from earlier that Christmas Eve, only she made mistakes and found a way to our old world. There are no people left, it's long after you and Eva went through the anomaly. Connor and Abby were frantic and followed after her of course. They killed Connor first."

That's when Eye Patch saw him, propped up against the wall in the corner. There wasn't much of him left that hadn't been shredded and drenched in his own blood. Eye Patch gripped his stomach as he tried no to throw up. Leia was sobbing as she dragged Abby's lifeless body across the floor. The poor girl was exhausted, covered in dirt, grime and the blood of her mother and father. She propped Abby up against Connor and put his arm around Abby's shoulder. Leia lay herself down across their laps and brought Abby's lifeless hand down to lay on her cheek. The young girl sniffled and held her dead mother's hand. There was a sudden thud against the metal door then the sound of claws scraping against it. Leia whimpered and closed her eyes, sobbing fresh tears. She reached for Connor's hand and held it in an iron grip.

"Please, stop this!" cried Eye Patch, looking over at his first Abby.

"I can't. I didn't make it happen. You did." There was another thud against the door and the hinges bent. They'd be inside any second now. Eye Patch rushed to Leia's side, crashing down to his knees in front of her.

"It's okay baby, Papa's here," he said, stroking her dirty tear stained face. "It'll be okay."

"It'll be okay," she repeated, screwing her shut eyes tight. The door finally gave and the creatures rushed in. "It'll be okay," she said. "I promise. We'll all get to see Papa again." Connor turned and ran to the other side of the room and promptly threw up what little he had in his stomach as the anguished screams of his baby getting torn to pieces filled the room. A moment later he was back on the bridge, heaving and sputtering. Abby was further away from him, leaning against the rails. He felt the cold again.

"Why on Earth would you take on the burden of an entire planet?" Abby asked. "Can't you see how insane that is? You're not God, Connor, you're just a man, no matter how brilliant you are. The extinction of mankind in our world wasn't your fault. You didn't make it happened. It wasn't something you did or didn't do. No one could have saved our world. What happened to me wasn't your fault. I _never_ blamed you. I've only ever loved you and I always will. You have to let this pain go. If you want to be good for your daughter, start living in the moment. Forget the past and let the future take care of itself. You've made it safe for her, I promise." She approached him and tentatively reached out to touch his face. "If you let yourself get swallowed up by all those horrible emotions and memories you keep buried deep inside you, you'll miss all the best parts of your new life. You have to let it go for good, otherwise it'll kill you. Do it for Leia. Do it for Connor and Abby."

"I want to go home," he whimpered. Abby went up on her toes and kissed his cheek.

"Follow me." She took him by the hand and walked with him across the bridge. She disappeared so suddenly that it took a few moments for him to realize her hand was no longer in his. He searched all around for her but she was gone. Ahead he saw lights and he broke into a jog. He left the bridge and found himself miraculously at the end of his own block, his building in sight. He was half way there when he hit a patch of ice and his feet went out from under him. His bad knee slammed into the ice and he cried out. He let loose a string of curses before struggling up to his feet again. Each step was agony, but he forced himself to reach home. He tried the door, but it was locked and he didn't have his keys, so he knocked and waited. He heard feet rushing down the stairs and seconds later the door was flung open. He looked into sad but relieved face of Abby. She looked like she'd been crying and he felt guilt stab at his core.

"Can... can I come in?" he begged quietly. He was shivering violently and his skin was red from the bite of the winter air.

"Wha..." replied Abby in shock.

"I'd like to come in please." She gave her head a shake and grabbed him by his jacket and pulled him in. He stifled the yelp form the pain in his knee as she roughly grabbed him and brought inside. She threw the door closed and hugged him tightly.

"I'm _so_ angry with you right now!" she snarled in his ear, all the while squeezing and holding on to him for dear life. He closed his eyes and leaned into her. He heard Connor rushing down the stairs and a moment later Eye Patch was flatted against the wall as Connor enveloped him.

"I traced your phone," his whispered into his other ear. "I thought you were in the river. I thought you were dead. I love you so much. I'd die if I ever lost you."

They held each other for a long time until Eye Patch tried to speak and they gave him the space he needed. "I think..." he choked out, starting to weep. He couldn't meet their eyes, but he had to get this out. "I think I'm broken."

Abby surprised him by kissing him. She pressed her lips to his and held tight to the lapels of his jacket. "You _are not_ broken, Connor," she said softly but emphatically. The other Connor kissed his cheek and touched the side of his face. "What's it going to take to get you to believe us? How many more years before you understand how much we love you? How much we can't live without you. Can't you find a way to be strong? For Leia?"

"Where is she?" he asked.

"She's asleep," explained Connor. "It took forever to get her to go down. She kept asking for you. What happened?"

Eye Patch opened his mouth to speak, but again found himself at a loss for words. "Never mind that now. You're half frozen to death," quickly said Connor before Eye Patch could try again. "We're just happy you're home."

"I need some help, I fell," said Eye Patch. "It's my knee." Abby slipped his arm over her shoulders and Connor did the same and together they got him up the stairs. The animals tried to interfere, but Abby quickly ushered them away. Connor took him to the shower to get him warmed up while Abby went to put something together for him to eat.

"Deja vu, eh?" said Connor as he knelt on the floor and unlaced Eye Patch's boots. Eye Patch sat on the seat of the toilet and peeled off his leather jacket and the shirt underneath.

"Just a bum knee this time, nothing to stitch up and I don't have hypothermia," he replied, forcing a smile. Connor pulled off his boots and socks and set them aside. He sat crossed legged on the floor in front of him and looked up at his lover. The older man leaned forward and Connor pulled the patch off his face, tucking it into his own pocket.

"I think it's time you see someone," said Connor grimly. "Most of the time you're fine, fantastic, even. I know you love us and that you're happy here, but every now and again something gets a hold of you. Abby and I can handle it, but this is the first time Leia's had to experience it. I don't ever want to see her upset like that again. I had to hold her and rock in her my arms for over an hour while she cried before she finally exhausted herself and nodded off."

"You mean a psychiatrist?"

"Yeah, I do. Lester can find someone good who can be brought in on the nature of what we do."

Eye Patch nodded. "I'll do it."

"Good. Thank you."

"Help me get these trousers off?" Connor got to his feet and pulled Eye Patch up. Connor undid Eye Patch's belt and trousers, and pulled them down his legs. They were tight to begin with and it wasn't easy. His knee had swollen quite a bit and looked purple already.

"Get in the shower and warm up. I'll find you something to wear and we'll wrap your knee when you're done."

Connor stood under the hot water and let its healing warmth infuse him. He was ravenous and couldn't wait to get some food down. The gut wrenching images that his first Abby had shown him still swam in his head. He convinced himself it had all been an hallucination and nothing more. He'd had a mental breakdown. There was no such thing as ghosts. He desperately wanted to see his daughter, but he'd let her be till morning. She needed her rest after such an upsetting evening. He washed himself and rinsed, then turned off the water. He opened the curtain and Connor was there waiting for him with a towel. He was dried, clothed in a T-shirt and jogging pants and had his knee wrapped. With Connor's help he made it to the couch in the living room where Abby brought him a hot cup of tea and a bowl of pasta and sauce. They watched him eat, seated on either side of him. Abby lay her head on his shoulder and held on to his leg. Connor told Abby that Eye Patch had agreed to see a psychiatrist like they hoped he would. The relief Eye Patch saw in Abby's eyes gave him strength. It would help his family and that's all that mattered to him. Abby took his dishes away and went to change into her pajamas while Connor got his husband settled with his knee up with ice packs on it. Abby returned with pillows and a blanket. They tucked him in and each gave him deeply passionate kisses before he shooed them away with words of reassurance and love, promising that he'd be all right on his own.

He was bone tired, but he couldn't fall asleep. He looked over to the other side of the living room where the Christmas tree stood. They'd neglected to unplug the lights and the multiple colours that illuminated the tree and the rest of the darkened room was truly magical. Even he could admit that. He hadn't really done any Christmas shopping himself, none in fact. Connor and Abby each had promised to take care of gifts that he could give to each them. He had asked Abby to get a few things for Leia that he wanted. They all spoiled their daughter at every holiday. He heard a tiny squeak to his right and turned to see Leia standing there in her fuzzy purple pajamas holding her favourite stuffed dinosaur. He smiled at her.

"Hey, sweetie," he said softly.

"Papa!" she exclaimed, dropping her dinosaur and running towards him. She quickly clamoured up on to the couch and threw herself at him. Connor caught her and enveloped her in his arms. He buried his face at her neck and breathed her in. The pair held each other for a long time. Leia whimpered and he felt her tears against his neck. He pulled her arms away from around his neck and sat her in his lap. He wiped her tears away with his thumb

"What's got my girl so upset?"

"I'm sorry I was bad, Papa. Please don't go away again."

"Oh Leia." His throat felt tight and he almost couldn't breathe. "Sweetheart you weren't bad. Not at all, do you hear me? Lots of terrible things happened to me before I met Mummy and Daddy and sometimes I remember them and I get upset and scared. I shouldn't have run away. I should have stayed with you. You make everything okay, did you know that?"

"I do?"

"You do. When I'm with you I'm not scared or sad. I won't go away ever again. I promise. I love you."

"I love you, Papa." He kissed each of her cheeks twice and snuggled her against his chest.

"Do you want to go back to bed, or do you want to stay here with me?"

"Stay."

Connor smiled and kissed her again. He held her like he had when she was a baby and rocked her. She wasn't so big yet that he couldn't and that warmed his heart. She was still his baby. She stared up at him with bright, happy eyes full of love. She reached up and patted at the tear that strayed from his blind eye. He caught her hand, kissing her palm and her chubby little fingers. Her eyes began to drift shut and soon enough she was sound asleep in his arms. His own movements slowed and little by little he joined his little girl in sleep.

As the clock chimed midnight and Christmas Eve became Christmas Day, his first Abby appeared. She was a faint apparition, but solidified as she approached the sleeping Connor holding his sleeping daughter in his arms. She smiled and shed a few tears for what could have been. This was everything she'd hoped to have shared with him. Still, it made her happy to see him have the love and experiences she always wished for him. "She's beautiful, Connor. I know you'll take good care of her, and your Abby and your Connor," she spoke, barely above a whisper. "I love you." She brushed a lock of hair from his forehead and ghosted her lips against him.

"Abby?" said Connor as he awoke. He could have sworn he heard her, felt her near, but he was alone. He looked down at the sleeping child in his arms. He kissed her forehead and nuzzled her cheek with his nose. He closed his eyes and fell under once more, feeling surprisingly more at peace than he had in over a decade.

The End

But wait! There's more... I'll be posting a bonus ficlet on Christmas Day. Anyways, reviews would be most lovely, in the spirit of the season of givin' n' all that :D (cheeky, aren't I?)


	4. Chapter 4

Bonus ficlet!

"Do you remember when we first met?" Eye Patch asked, taking a seat beside her on the couch. Abby was reclined with several cushions behind her back to support her as she fed the baby at her breast. The constant _thuck thuck thuck _sound of their daughter suckling was soothing and beautiful to their ears. Amelia was almost three months old and settling in to being in the world, surrounded by her parents and their love. Connor was on his way home from the ARC, having made a special trip in.

"Of course. Your first impression of me was my sweaty naked tits on display in front of seventeen of your dopplegangers and my first impression of you was the great big hard-on in your leather trousers. Love at first sight, I'd say," replied Abby, her tone full of mirth.

"Yeah, sorry 'bout that. I was a bit crude back then." He winced at the memory. He wasn't about to admit it, but the years spent on this side of the anomaly _had_ softened him. Only in good ways, he maintained.

"You grabbed my arse and told me you wanted to throw me down on the table in the galley and eat my pussy while the other Connors watched." Her tone was completely deadpan and he winced again.

"Um... yeah, well... at the time... "

"You'd have done it if I'd let you?" She had told her two Connors about her lascivious thoughts of an orgy when there had been eighteen of them in the building at once. They'd been genuinely shocked, and definitely turned on by her wanton fantasies and it had produced some intense and pleasurable hours in bed that night.

"Um... I plead the fifth."

"This is England, not America, we don't have the fifth amendment. You were saying?"

"I was asking if you remembered when we first met."

"And I do. In hindsight it was one of the most important days of my life. That day changed everything, for the better." She smiled and looked down at the baby who was starting to doze. Abby carefully pulled the little mouth away from the nipple and shifted Amelia to the other side. The baby protested for a moment before latching on to the new breast and continuing her early evening feed. Connor shifted closer to them and took the baby's feet in his hands, gently massaging the bottoms with the pads of his thumbs. He'd been doing this for the past two weeks and his daughter seemed to really like it, curling and uncurling her toes and making happy little noises. "Why do you ask?"

"Since Leia's come, I've been thinking more and more about my past, back to when we first met, and the times before that when the world started to fall apart. It's amazing to realize how much things have changed for me. I never thought I'd see you again after that first meeting. You held my hand. You know that was the first time I'd been touched by another human being in almost a year? Stephen was long dead. There was something between us even then, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I do. My heart went out to you. I wanted to take you home and make your pain go away. You were just in anguish. I wanted to make it stop hurting."

"That time talking with you, and that snog I stole before I went back, kept me alive for months. It honestly did. Anyways, what I was getting at, really, was that I love you Abby. You've given me a so much - Leia. You, and Connor, saved me." He leaned in and captured her mouth for a kiss, thick and sweet like molasses. When they parted he pressed another kiss to her temple. The baby had fallen asleep and Eye Patch carefully took her from Abby and lay her on his chest while Abby righted her shirt. He did ogle at her naked breasts for a moment, unable to suppress his roguish tendencies. He rubbed the baby's back, helping her bring up any air. Abby yawned and curled up at his side. She was always good for a nap about now. He and Connor were perfectly willing to get up for nappy changes, but Abby was still the one who had to feed the baby every few hours. All three adults were definitely feeling the affects of having a newborn in the home. Within a few minutes, Eye Patch, Abby and the baby were sound asleep.

Connor came home to an absolutely silent flat. That was unusual. He was worried for a moment until he saw the dog laying at the top of the stairs watching him and wagging her tail. He gave her head a pat as he walked by. Sid and Nancy were curled up together in their basket, snoring lightly. Rex was lounging in the rafters. Lastly, curled up together on the couch was his family. He was reluctant to admit it, but he really was a sentimental sap. He felt a great swell of love and pride at the sight of them. He debated for a brief moment being useful and getting dinner together for everyone, but the empty space to the right of the other Connor looked awfully inviting. He toed off his shoes and crept over to the sleeping trio. He reclined on the couch as quietly as possible, trying not to jostle any of them. A few seconds later, the strong arm of the man next to him was around his shoulders, pulling him close. Connor looked up at Eye Patch, who sort of grunted at him, and watched him close his eyes again. The flat was silent for hours to come.

The End


End file.
